I’ve always considered myself a hard worker and excellent multi-tasker; in fact I thrive under pressure and a packed social calender. I think it brings out my best creativity! In college I would push myself to the limit day and night, skipping meals, becoming a permanent fixture in the graphic design lab until they kicked me out each night, and still going out every weekend with friends. I guess back then I was wonder woman, invincible.
Over the last couple of years, something has changed in me. Blame it on getting older or the result of years of moving at mach-speed, but for the first time in my life, I’ve felt the effects of dealing with stress and anxiety. What’s happening to me? I used to be so tough!
Some nights I can barely fall asleep with all of the nerves surging through my body, my stomach flipping over and over thinking about family, friends, work, home and marriage. It’s not a good feeling! On our recent trip to San Francisco, I had an especially bad night brought on by a day-spent sight seeing. (Something that should have relaxed me.) The anxiety was overwhelming and seemed so irrational! It caused me to take a serious look at my priorities, and my own well being.
Yesterday, on a regular visit to my acupuncturist, my stress came to a breaking point. As I lay on the table stuck full of needles, answering questions about my week, I began to cry. Not a tear or two but a whole fountain of emotions. I couldn’t stop it from coming, like someone turned on the tap and refused to turn it back off again. It made me feel vulnerable and silly like a child who couldn’t control their tantrum. But I lay there anyway, breathing deeply and allowing myself to just cry, to tell you the truth I had little choice. Evidently this kind of release is something that happens with acupuncture as chi becomes unblocked. A little warning would have been nice! After I left my appointment I felt emotionally tired but so much better, more relaxed and free from the tension and anxiety that had built up.
Photo by Leah Bergman
I know it's time to make a change and reverse the tendency to put my needs last. No more skipped meals, working every weekend, not exercising due to a busy schedule, and scrambling to please others. I’m going to try saying no when I feel spread thin with friends, family, and work, and start putting myself first. That's probably the hardest change. I know that it will only make me a better wife, sister, daughter, friend, designer and blogger. All titles am honored to have.
For quite some time now, I've been dealing with anxiety and stress but debated whether or not to share it. Sitting here writing this post to all of you feels like a deep breathe of air! It makes me feel like I can actually make a change for the better and that I might not be alone in feeling this way.
Do you ever suffer from anxiety? What do you find helps or triggers it?
JoAnn Stevens-Flores says
Hi Leah - I've been having a tough 2014. I've been struggling with very similar issues this year and finally had to just step away from a few things for a while. It's always interesting to me that when we need self-care the most we tend to move away from it. I think sometimes the best thing we can do is allow ourselves the time and space to work things out, to figure out what we need more of in our lives and what we may need to let go of.
I appreciate this post as it's always hard to know how much to share. I don't think any of us would have noticed your struggles. You are doing a beautiful job at this thing called life.
All the very best to you. xo
Leah Bergman says
Hi JoAnn- I'm so sorry to hear that 2014 has been tough for you. I think the hardest part of all this is having the strength to step away from the parts of our lives that case us stress. Sounds like you are on the right path! I hope to join you very soon. xo
Lisa Mathias says
Leah, thank you for sharing this! I went through an experience that was almost exactly the same last year. I had previously prided myself on having a busy schedule, much like you did. So despite believing that I was healthy and feeling proud that I was doing so much, I started experiencing symptoms of hypertension, and I'd also feel anxious at very odd times. I started seeing doctors and was worried it was some underlying health problem, which only exacerbated my anxiety. After weeks of tests, the doctors realized it was due to stress.
I completely made a lifestyle change. The anxiety and its subsequent health problems basically forced me to drop any commitments that I realized weren't that important. I started to make time for myself and adopted healthier habits (getting 8 hours of sleep, cooking at home, giving myself personal relaxation time at night). I also started doing kundalini yoga and meditation. I feel immensely better now - the hypertension is gone and my mind is so much clearer - and I feel much happier with myself and with life in general.
Sorry this is so long, but basically, I just want you to know you're not alone! Stress and anxiety is surprisingly common. Knowing that you need to make some healthy changes for yourself is the first step toward handling all of this in the best way. 🙂
*Sending good vibes from DC!*
Leah Bergman says
Thank you Lisa! Never apologize for leaving long comments. I appreciate the fact that you took the time to tell me your story. It's great to hear that you overcame your stress with a life change! It means that it is possible to take control feelings that seem so out of control. Thanks for the positivity! xo
Nicole Liwienski says
Leah, So appreciative of this post. It only makes me admire you more as you share your true feelings. Our crazy cyber world of social media always seems to paint the prettiest of pictures (yes, LOVE your blog + all you do) and it truly makes me believe we need to take a deep breath and realize we are all human. Yet, I too struggle with the same feelings of pushing our limits and wanting to take care of others before truly taking care of whats most important (ourselves.) Its a selfless act of why you are so amazing… Sounds cliche but I am a true believe of good things happen to good people. Keep being amazing, but yes, girl, take some time + indulge in what you love most for yourself. Sunny wishes from Minneapolis! (yes, believe it or not, its sunny + 70 here;)
Joelle says
Unfortunately, I don't think anxiety is talked about nearly enough in the blogging world, especially when so many people suffer from it. I personally am one of those that will dwell on every little detail, worried to the point that I can't eat and I make myself sick, over clients and disappointing people and just life in general. I suppose some worry is healthy, but not this - especially not when there's not much I can do to relieve a situation (that's the reality when I work with flaky vendors all the time).
I guess, what I'm trying to say is, you're not alone. There are definitely a lot of us that suffer from anxiety and stress, and even depression. I think the key is work-life balance, though it's so hard for people like us to achieve any semblance of "balance" in our lives. I've recently established office hours and our phones and computers stay OUT of the bedroom - we don't even check email or social media after a certain time. It really helps, for sure.
And crying is definitely one of the best outlets for this. I know I've had my fair share of breakdowns in the past month...so there must be something in the air these days 😉 Chin up my dear - we're all here for you! xoxo
Leah Bergman says
Thank you Joelle! I can't tell you how much it means to me that you took the time to respond to my post with such a personal experience. It's terrible that stress, work, anxiety and obligation can take such a toll on us. Finding balance should be so simple, right? The thought of taking care of "me" sounds great but when it comes down to reality, I struggle with it each hour of the day. Thanks for your support and know that you also have mine! xo p.s. I REALLY need to get cell phones out of our bedroom. Jason and I are both such workaholics.
Cassandra Monroe | a lifestyle blog says
I'm glad to know I'm not alone! I usually fall in between a state of calm, peace, happiness and stress, anxiety and helplessness! But then I look to making lists, talking to my family or boyfriend, or just crying it out to let the stress go.... then I feel better!
Thank you for sharing your story! Have a good day!
Leah Bergman says
Thank you Cassandra! It's comforting to know that others go through this as well. I think that having loved ones to support you is so important. I hope you have a great day as well. xo
Megan says
Anxiety can be a real bear sometimes. I too find myself unable to fall asleep at night more often than I'd care to admit. It's always so nice to hear that it's not just me, that lots of people (and especially women) find themselves feeling incredibly stressed and anxious.
On another note, I haven't been to the acupuncturist in years, but I actually have an appointment coming up and I'm so looking forward to it. I find that it really helps a lot. I think I'm going to try to start incorporating yoga into my schedule, as well. We'll see!
Leah Bergman says
It's terrible isn't it? Nothing feels worse than not being able to sleep from anxiety. I hope you enjoy going back to acupuncture! It's really helping me and I love how different I feel afterwards. I used to do yoga all the time and it was magical especially hot yoga. I need to find a new studio and get back to it. Thanks for that reminder! xo
Ashley says
I'm so glad you shared this for your own benefit as well as others! I get anxiety all the time, typically for the same reasons. It helps to know someone I aspire to be like is still human! Sometimes I feel like a crazy person for feeling so anxious about things that are small, but I can't help it. I'd love to try acupuncture...I've heard great things!
Leah Bergman says
Gosh Ashley, I am so humbled by your comment! I hope that I can help others by sharing this as it was very personal to write and pretty scary to be so vulnerable. It's nice to know (but also very sad) that so many other ladies are experiencing stress and anxiety. I highly recommend acupunture. It really is helping me!
Serena Page says
I really appreciate your willingness to be vulnerable with us. You are so put together, so it seems to the rest of us, that it does make me feel like I'm not completely crazy. 😉
Rachel | The Crafted Life says
So funny that while reading this post, I realized that I forgot to each lunch! I've been struggling with the work/life balance since graduating college.
I think these changes are hard to do all at once (especially if you're a workaholic), so I've found that it helps to actually schedule time to relax. Once it's in your schedule, it's hard to feel bad too about it. Also, writing down everything you need to do the next day before bed will help you not think about them before drifting off to sleep. It's all about baby steps that will hopefully lead into real life changes 🙂
Leah Bergman says
Oh no! Well at least it was a meal reminder. 😉 I'm so bad about that as well. I love your advice for scheduling in time to relax. AND as I respond to this comment at 10:00 am night 🙁 I really should make a list for tomorrow in order to clear my mind. Thanks for the tips and the support! xo
Sadye Evyn says
Amen, sister! Story of my life and the same thing (being at an acupuncture appointment and stuck full of needles when a crying outburst came out of nowhere) literally happened to me a few months ago. I love that you shared this experience and that of your day-to-day struggles with stress and anxiety--it makes you human and even more relatable! Needless to say, you're not alone. As women, I think we could ALL be better at being more selfish and learning to say "no." I'm striving to do more of both, too, so I wish you all the best with this revelation and hope you share your progress with how it goes. 🙂
Leah Bergman says
Hi Sadye, thank you for taking the time to comment on this post! I felt like such a mess crying during my treatment. It's good to know that other women go through similar feelings, and outbursts! Learning to say no will definitely be my biggest struggle. Let's both work on it! xo
Yuridiao says
I got anxiety just reading your post but that makes me feel like it's normal. It's true, it's not talked about nearly enough but it's something quite a few of is feel and deal with. Breathing and yoga have helped me deal with it. And possibly now I've come to the conclusion that there's always more than what's on the surface.
Leah Bergman says
You felt the anxiety I was releasing when I wrote this, I'm sure! Yes, there is always more that what's on the surface to be sure. Thank you for commenting on such a personal post. It means a lot to me. xo
Jess says
Oh girl, you're so not alone. I deal with anxiety as well, and I find that talking it out with people helps me. Exercise has been so great for me to control my stress/anxiety, as well as eating frequently. And lets be real, sometimes a good cry makes you feel better in that moment :). You've got a cheerleader in me, lady!
Leah Bergman says
Thank you Jess! I'm sorry to hear that you deal with this as well. We can be cheerleaders for each other! xo
Amy Dempsey says
Leah, it was so brave of you to share this post. I know you don't like getting too personal on Freutcake, but this kind of message is helpful to all of your adoring readers! As we're seeing with the comments, we ALL go through these horrible, stressful times and it makes it so much better knowing we're not alone. It helps to know someone we look up to often feels the same way. This is a turning point in your journey, and I know you're going to make some incredibly wise decisions that put YOU back in the driver's seat of your own life. Freutcake readers are bound to be inspired as they watch this unfold, myself included!
Leah Bergman says
Thank you Amy! You are such a good and inspiring friend and you know me...I have trouble sharing super personal things here in my happy place. I'm glad it was well received. xo
Emily says
Leah, I've been struggling with anxiety for a few years now...it does get easier! you just need to focus on being able to recognize it. I've started to meditate regularly, which at first I scoffed at, but it really does help. Just focusing on breathing and trying to settle your mind from running 100 MPH really goes a long way, even if it's only for a few minutes. Even after 6 minutes or so of meditation, I feel refreshed and more focused and alert. Long walks help as well, just sometime with your thoughts and some music. Thank you so much for sharing this, it's good to know we don't suffer alone!!
Leah Bergman says
Thank you Emily! I know it's taken me years to recognize my anxiety and finally I feel like that's given me to power to hopefully fix it. I've been really interested in meditation. Do you have any good resources, books, etc that you can recommend? Thanks!
linaac says
I commend you for sharing such an intimate part of yourself. Even though anxiety is becoming more and more prevalent each day, it takes brave stories like yours to inspire others to start the discussion. Thank you, Leah. Your strength and truth speaks to so many....
Leah Bergman says
Thank you Lina! I appreciate you saying that. It was hard for me to share but I'm so happy I did. It seems like more people experience these feelings than I ever realized. xo
Heather Ercse-Spence says
Yes! I needed to read this. I've spent most of my life putting others first and depriving myself. I have done everything I can to avoid self-care and, like you experienced, it caught up with me. I'm having to slow way down and relearn living and do it all with baby steps. You're not alone in this at all! I think that, as modern women, there is this expectation to be able to do it all without stopping to take care of ourselves. I don't know who came up with that notion but they should be fired!
Here's to better days, healthier souls and, finally, lives well-lived. XOXO
abigailalderson says
Simply thank you for your words x
Dajana says
Hi Leah,
It takes strength to admit that sometimes you don't always have it together. I wrote a similar post last fall when my brother was in a serious motorcycle collision and everything seemed to be falling apart around me: http://allkindsoflovely.blogspot.ca/2013/10/sometimes-life-can-be-overwhelming.html
I find meditation helps and so does unplugging and spending time with family and friends (a bike ride with my dude helps release a lot of anxious thoughts). Sometimes I just need "Dajana time" to unwind and recharge. I think you'll find that saying no to those around you is also helpful and it gets easier to do (I'm a people please, too).
Keep us posted on how you're doing. Sending you hugs from Edmonton!
Danielle says
Leah, I have long held the belief that our current social networking world has made the stress and anxiety issue so much worse. We all share our lives but we have to hold the hard parts in because we would Debbie downer's. You are not alone and I think acknowledging it is the first step to healing. I'm sending hugs across the country!!
Marisa says
Oh, Leah... my sweet dear friend / mentor! You hit the nail on the head for so many of us! Like I told you last time we got together, I'm feeling these things lately, too! (#selfhealth). I have never felt anxiety before until the past year and a half or so. I guess it's part of growing up and being out of college? You think when you graduate that life will be easy-(it's just work! No more homework)! But that's so not true. The weight of the world is suddenly on your shoulders and you just can't go full speed like you used to as a student. It's something I'm learning to adjust to. My health and fitness have taken the back seat in my life, and that's not good!
I found an inspiring quote on pinterest that I love: "I'm working on a new me. Not because the old me is bad, but because the old me can improve". It might be cheesy but I love it because it's a way to look at a goal positively rather than dwelling on the negatives about ourselves. And as you know, I've been putting my health & fitness needs above a lot of other things in my life for the past month or so, and it's helping tremendously. I still get really anxious about things like deadlines, balancing all of the things on my to-do list, while trying to somewhat maintain a social life. But I'm making progress little by little! By the way we should go on that hike like you mentioned. I think it would help us both! 🙂 Love you girl! Keep up the amazing work! Xo
erin haslag (@erinhaslag) says
Sending HUGS as you go through this transition. I found myself relating to the feelings (the breaking point) and for me it was that breaking point and the end of a relationship that finally made me put me first. It gets better and feels SO freeing once you start to embrace it and put it into action! And just like any kind of big behavior change you have to be kind to yourself on days you relapse and trust tomorrow is another chance to try again.
Serena Page says
I have had an anxiety disorder since my teenage years, and I have an extremely busy schedule as well. I am so sorry to hear that you have been suffering with this for awhile, but I am glad to hear that you had some release and have made the choice to do something different. I am a fulltime student and fulltime employee at Amazon. Talk about stress! What hurts is when I needlessly increase my stress by not planning things out. I also think you have a great idea about learning to say "no" when you need to. That word has saved me a ton. I also say "maybe" a lot. I do not definitively say yes a whole lot anymore unless it's school or work related. I have ALWAYS been a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants girl. Being a planner has taken a lot of work, but I plan everything now, including fun time. I also see my counselor a couple of times a month to vent and get some perspective and grounding. Sleep, exercise, and diet are vital in regulating the body on a chemical level, which does amazing things for your psyche as well. Those things are hit and miss for me (especially during midterms and finals), but I feel so much better when I have that trifecta in check. I wish you serenity and clarity!!
Amy says
Hey there! Just reading this but hoping you're feeling better. I "healed" myself from stress, anxiety and panic attacks 11 years ago when I found a regular yoga practice and it changed my life! I joke with people that "yoga is my prozac" but it's really true. Even Daniel can tell when I miss my practice because it has such a profound effect on me. I've now been practicing with the same group for almost 7 years and these people lift me up on a weekIy basis which means the world to me!
I wrote about it my personal experience withe anxiety (years ago) on the blog if you care to read more about my journey. Hugs sweet friend...you're not alone!
http://www.yoursouthernpeach.com/2010/08/how-i-found-yoga-and-why-i-practice.html
Tammy says
Just catching up you lovely lady, but I just had to say that it's lovely that you put yourself out there with this post and you are most definitely not alone! I find it's the women I admire the most that seem to deal with the most, maybe it's the pressures that we put on ourselves. At least you broke down at the acupuncturists! I broke down at work…thankfully it's all women there and we all get it! But it takes time to figure out what works. I know that with a job change for both me and my husband the best thing I have found to do is unplug. And a good cry now and then never hurt! Big hugs to you friend!
Laurel Edwards says
Hi Leah! I am just catching up on your blog..and felt i needed to write a little note of encouragement to you! Your honesty in writing this post is so admirable...and will no doubt bring comfort to many. It's a topic very close to my heart. I went through a journey of incredible anxiety about 9 years ago. It lasted for some time but over the years i have come to the point where i can say i am grateful for what has come out of this hard walk! I took the plunge and shared my story on our blog about 6 months ago and have been amazed at how many people are going through very similar challenges...anxiety and panic and stress. Super grateful for the people in the life that helped teach me the tools to manage anxiety in my life. My faith has been strengthened in ways i never knew would happen. All of this to say that anxiety still remains in my life, but it no longer controls or consumes me. Life is full of joy, which i am so grateful for. Thinking of you Leah...and hoping you continue to take the moments of downtime and relaxation as you need them:)
Annie says
Leah,
Thank you for sharing your struggle. I have had severe stress and anxiety for years to the point where I have physical health problems and self destructive tendencies. I take medication and am in cognitive behavioral therapy which is very helpful. Learning how to take care of myself first has been a big challenge.
I think sometimes it looks like you or other bloggers have perfect lives because everything looks so pretty and picture perfect. It's good to know that you never know the struggle someone else is going through.